Once again, it has been quite some time since I have had the opportunity to write. I have had some major life events happen since my last entry, 14 months ago, but before I begin my blog makeover, I wanted to end a chapter of my life with whom I owe so much to. I was not sure how I wanted to approach this post, so I decided on a letter.
Dear Sedona,
Dear Sedona,
People have told me that dogs are Angels on earth. I believe that more than ever. That day in February, you chose me just as much as I chose you Sedona. It was the first day I laughed hard. Something I hadn't done since my Dad passed away, and it felt so good to do so. I didn't know it that day, but the way you nestled your head into my neck at the shelter, that would be so incredibly special for you and I for years to come. I miss it. I miss you.
Walks became a part of my new life with you. Three walks a day to be exact. Do you know we took over 10,000 walks together? In New York I would cherish the gorgeous fall days with you. Despise the frigid I cant feel my hands or feet days, and think about the pounds falling off in the dripping wet humid Summer days. You hated the rainy days and because of that, you figured out how to walk under an umbrella with me. Goodness, you were smart. Sometimes too smart. You knew when you were were tired and wanted to go to sleep in our room. You would come tell me so I could put your bed in there. Noise level was also a thing with you. If the TV was to loud, you stood in front of my face blocking the TV to tell me and then would go back into the bedroom. If I didn't turn the volume down, you would be sure to come tell me again a few minutes later until I did. I think about some of the things you would do as I write this and I smile. Special does not even begin to describe you.
When it came time for us to leave New York, what helped me get through the adjustment was you. I hadn't been back to Arizona since Dad's funeral. I was scared and nervous but I was excited for the parks and less crowded sidewalks for us to use together. There were a lot of tears shed that first year, especially when we laid in bed at night. Just having you next to me made me feel we were going to be okay. Eventually the time came that I was ready to visit Dad's resting place, you were by my side then too. I can remember that was when we truly began to understand one another. You started to look at me in a way I had never been looked at by a dog before. I could literally hear what you were saying through your eyes. Only a few people picked up on our secret, and acknowledged that you were trying to tell me things. What they didn't know, I knew exactly what you wanted and when and I would be the one that would help speak for you when needed. Okay wait, you had your moments when you spoke loud and clear for me too; especially when it came to who I dated. :) There was the time you chewed that guys wallet, including all his credit cards and money. Oops. And the one guy's leather shoe. Oh, and the bible of another guy. HAHA. The best part, these guys tried hard to show they weren't angry in front of me and I literally couldn't help but laugh out loud. The best part, you were right every single time in that those guys were not right for me. When the time came to meet the man that I was meant to spend forever with... It took you a little bit of time to let your guard down, but when you figured out he was a keeper, you were quick to let me know I will forever be thankful to you.
Of course the year flew by. Too quickly. It was a busy year full of planning and out of town guests for all the wedding festivities. I am so happy you were able to see everyone again because they all loved you just as much as I did. My brain was on wedding planning overload, but I always had our daily tradition to look forward to. The days we just sat in the grass together watching kids play ... it was something I yearned for. So peaceful.
The wedding quickly approached and the strangest thing began to happen. There were days I would glance over at you sleeping and a tear would fall down my face. I have no idea why that started to happen and it bothered me because I knew I was being told something, something I was not yet ready to hear. The only way I knew to handle what was happening was to kiss your head and quietly ask you not to leave me yet. You always opened your eyes and licked my tears reassuring me it wasn't time.
November 30th the night before the wedding I did not feel well. I think the planning and stress of making sure everything would run smoothly at the wedding finally got to me. It's funny Sedona, I never would have thought the night before the wedding and the morning of would be come one of the most treasured times with you. Looking back now, I feel thankful to have had that time together. It was just you and me in the hotel room...just like the good old days. The morning of the Wedding, we had one of the absolute best mornings. You hear stories of how brides freak out when they wake up that day. Not me. We sat at the hotel restaurant and split the yummiest breakfast. I couldn't have asked for a better start to the dayYour presence that day, calmed my soul and made me smile. As for your flower girl duties, you were exactly what I always dreamed about. So classy and oh so beautiful. The pictures with you they are everything I could have ever wished for.
Two weeks after the wedding you started to not feel very well. This was the first time in your life I couldn't help you. I tried absolutely everything and it tore me apart to see you that way. Those days were some of the hardest days I have had to go through. I know you knew our time together was over long before I knew, and I can only love you more for holding on as long as you did. I truly believe you felt okay to go because you knew I was finally in good hands. My dear neighbor whom you loved very much, told me you would let me know when you were ready to go to heaven. I didn't understand what she meant until you did just that. On our last night together, you were so very weak my girl, but you found the strength to crawl into my lap and rest your head on my hands. I could feel you telling me it was okay to let you go. That you were ready. I had spent the two weeks trying so hard not to cry in front of you, so you wouldn't see me hurting, but at that moment, I could. I was able to thank you for what you had done for me. You had done more than I could have ever hoped for Sedona. I did not sleep that night. I was so very scared. Scared to begin a life without you. Our time together ended the way we started. Sat in the back seat of the car with your head on my shoulder and the wind blowing through our hair. I held you so so tight. I didn't want to let you go.
I miss you every single day Sedona. Anyone who knows me knew you because of how much joy you brought to my life for the last 10 years. The amount of messages I received about you after you went to heaven made my heart melt. 10 years of friends and people who you made smile. I am constantly reminded of you whether its when I drive by our park, or when I see some of your friends around the neighborhood. If I'm lucky, I see you running in my dreams. It hasn't been easy living my life without you by my side. You were more than a dog Sedona, you were my angel that gave me the strength and love during times I needed it the most. We will see each other again my girl. And when we do, I look forward to that hug.
