Once again, it has been quite some time since I have had the opportunity to write. I have had some major life events happen since my last entry, 14 months ago, but before I begin my blog makeover, I wanted to end a chapter of my life with whom I owe so much to. I was not sure how I wanted to approach this post, so I decided on a letter.
Dear Sedona,
Dear Sedona,
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People have told me that dogs are Angels on earth. I believe that more than ever. That day in February, you chose me just as much as I chose you Sedona. It was the first day I laughed hard. Something I hadn't done since my Dad passed away, and it felt so good to do so. I didn't know it that day, but the way you nestled your head into my neck at the shelter, that would be so incredibly special for you and I for years to come. I miss it. I miss you.
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Walks became a part of my new life with you. Three walks a day to be exact. Do you know we took over 10,000 walks together? In New York I would cherish the gorgeous fall days with you. Despise the frigid I cant feel my hands or feet days, and think about the pounds falling off in the dripping wet humid Summer days. You hated the rainy days and because of that, you figured out how to walk under an umbrella with me. Goodness, you were smart. Sometimes too smart. You knew when you were were tired and wanted to go to sleep in our room. You would come tell me so I could put your bed in there. Noise level was also a thing with you. If the TV was to loud, you stood in front of my face blocking the TV to tell me and then would go back into the bedroom. If I didn't turn the volume down, you would be sure to come tell me again a few minutes later until I did. I think about some of the things you would do as I write this and I smile. Special does not even begin to describe you.
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Nine. That is the number of homes we shared together and you were the only thing that was consistent in my life in those 9 moves. We always made friends quickly with the neighbors because of you. It got to a point people would hold conversation with you and you only. It did not matter what time of day or where we were, people of all ages went out of their way to come see you. You had one special soul my girl.
November 2017. You turned 10 but I never looked at you as old. People pointed out how gray you had become, but you didn't slow down so I never noticed. Do you remember that one day we were on a walk and a sweet Grandma called you an Old Girl? You looked at me with this look "Am I really?" I smiled and whispered "you aren't old my girl." In my heart I knew our time together was starting to run out, but I was unaware just how quick. April came, and Chad proposed to me! You were there to see it all and even when he was down on one knee with the ring box open, you thought the ring was a treat for you! lol.
Of course the year flew by. Too quickly. It was a busy year full of planning and out of town guests for all the wedding festivities. I am so happy you were able to see everyone again because they all loved you just as much as I did. My brain was on wedding planning overload, but I always had our daily tradition to look forward to. The days we just sat in the grass together watching kids play ... it was something I yearned for. So peaceful.
The wedding quickly approached and the strangest thing began to happen. There were days I would glance over at you sleeping and a tear would fall down my face. I have no idea why that started to happen and it bothered me because I knew I was being told something, something I was not yet ready to hear. The only way I knew to handle what was happening was to kiss your head and quietly ask you not to leave me yet. You always opened your eyes and licked my tears reassuring me it wasn't time.
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Your presence that day, calmed my soul and made me smile. As for your flower girl duties, you were exactly what I always dreamed about. So classy and oh so beautiful. The pictures with you they are everything I could have ever wished for.
Two weeks after the wedding you started to not feel very well. This was the first time in your life I couldn't help you. I tried absolutely everything and it tore me apart to see you that way. Those days were some of the hardest days I have had to go through. I know you knew our time together was over long before I knew, and I can only love you more for holding on as long as you did. I truly believe you felt okay to go because you knew I was finally in good hands. My dear neighbor whom you loved very much, told me you would let me know when you were ready to go to heaven. I didn't understand what she meant until you did just that. On our last night together, you were so very weak my girl, but you found the strength to crawl into my lap and rest your head on my hands. I could feel you telling me it was okay to let you go. That you were ready. I had spent the two weeks trying so hard not to cry in front of you, so you wouldn't see me hurting, but at that moment, I could. I was able to thank you for what you had done for me. You had done more than I could have ever hoped for Sedona. I did not sleep that night. I was so very scared. Scared to begin a life without you. Our time together ended the way we started. Sat in the back seat of the car with your head on my shoulder and the wind blowing through our hair. I held you so so tight. I didn't want to let you go.
I miss you every single day Sedona. Anyone who knows me knew you because of how much joy you brought to my life for the last 10 years. The amount of messages I received about you after you went to heaven made my heart melt. 10 years of friends and people who you made smile. I am constantly reminded of you whether its when I drive by our park, or when I see some of your friends around the neighborhood. If I'm lucky, I see you running in my dreams. It hasn't been easy living my life without you by my side. You were more than a dog Sedona, you were my angel that gave me the strength and love during times I needed it the most. We will see each other again my girl. And when we do, I look forward to that hug.
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